1: Introduction
Ever wished you could spot a toxic person before you or someone you love were to get involved with them, or at least before making a long-term commitment and wasting still more precious time?
Maybe you long for a way to ensure your next relationship (unlike that last stinker) has clear guidelines of respect, transparency, and equality?
Perhaps you’re in a basically healthy, loving relationship but you’re not quite seeing the accountability (investment, participation, initiative. etc.) you think you should be from your partner.
Or maybe you’re in a terrific relationship, but you both feel like you could use a more effective, productive or efficient approach to problem solving than the way you currently go about it?
We think we may have the insight you need in order to achieve solutions to all of these!
Greetings, and welcome to Explicit Nature!
A blog where clarity is everything, and accountability isn’t what it seems.
In the posts that follow we’re going to reveal to you the easy to understand- though virtually unknown- principles of real relationship accountability that we’ve discerned over more than five years working with domestic violence offenders here in the state of Maine. Together the two of us- Angela Desrochers, and myself, Steven Harrison- have led over two thousand classes, six days a week (not a typo, we went all in), observing and learning about the relationship perspective of abusive individuals while showing them various ways to have healthier relationships defined by equality and fairness. By expanding and adapting our understanding of accountability through years of our experiences, we can now help anyone better discern and eliminate toxic partners who use not just violence, but any number of tactics of power and control, through a clear understanding of personal and relationship accountability. If you’re serious about learning how to better recognize and stop such people once and for all, as well as finally finding or having the relationship you truly deserve, you’ve come to the right place!
We so excited that you’re here! But before you jump on in and experience what Explicit-Nature is all about, we’d like to say a few things first.
To start with (and this is so important), if you’re in a physically abusive relationship or one where you think your physical safety might be at risk, we urge you to please stop and reach out to your nearest domestic violence agency. The philosophy of relationship accountability is not designed, intended, nor equipped to be an intervention against physical abuse in an intimate partner relationship. And while there’s literally nothing in this blog that would advocate confronting or challenging one’s partner in any way (you’ll find we actually constantly advocate doing the opposite), we also simply can’t control what people might do with the information we provide. So again, if your physical safety is in question, please reach out immediately. We know it’s scary and it takes a tremendous amount of courage to do so, but there’s some really great people waiting to hear from you who can really help you.
What Angie and I advocate and teach (if you could call it teaching. It’s more like equipping and handing-off, really), philosophically speaking, is a way of achieving a new kind of insight into the nature of relationships and its various elements. Meaning you’ll be able to observe and discern aspects of your relationship, your partner, and your relationship history that were formerly hidden from you. Nothing scary, nothing painful, and nothing you didn’t likely already sense, we assure you. But central to all of it is an emphasis on observation and conclusions, not action. And while we certainly don’t advocate not taking whatever necessary action you might feel needs to be taken, we do advocate that the action part can wait until such time as you’re certain, you’re safe, it feels right, and you can accommodate such a change, whatever it may be.
This perspective we teach is simple; complete relationship equality, fairness and respect, mutually-created agreements regarding personal conduct and relationship problem-solving, and the precise insights which emerge from the success or failure of those agreements (all discerned from the perspective of a rather unique form of accountability, which we’re excited to share with you). It’s not complicated, it’s not painful or confrontational, (it’s not even at all “deep,” frankly), but its fundamentally different approach to relationships will likely be brand new. Mostly it entails- for most of us- just getting the hang of something different; accommodating a new perspective and approach to relationships while letting go of some habitual approaches that you’ve maybe been doing your entire life.
What it definitely is not, is a therapeutic approach.
And please let us touch on what that means for a moment. Therapy is wonderful, highly effective, and absolutely essential in many cases. Both Angie and I endorse it highly, but Explicit-Nature is not it, and as you read our blog it won’t take long to see why. Relationship Accountability doesn’t answer any of the “why” questions people have as to why their partner behaves the way they do, or why they themselves continue to tolerate such behavior; questions your partner can’t or won’t satisfactorily answer, or that you simply can’t answer yourself. If anything, it’s meant not to answer or replace such “why’s,” it’s meant to circumvent them so as to clearly see what’s on the other side of them. Through this work, we believe you’ll have all of the practical, brick and mortar answers you’ll ever need about your relationship, good, bad, or in between. But it is meant, first and foremost, to be information that you observe and assess your relationship with, not to take any immediate action as a result of. Please, please, don’t DO anything right away with what you’re about to learn. Just put it on, strut around in it for a while, and see how it feels.
You see, what we’ve come to understand is that real life- particularly the life of relationships- has a lot of moving parts, moves really fast, and is messy as hell. Coming out of the fog or maze of a complicated, dysfunctional, though love-filled connection to a place of real clarity always takes longer than we’d like. Changing relationships, bettering them, restoring them, and certainly leaving them, all take time. We take the long view; we’re gonna show you how to waste far, far less of your precious time languishing in unworkable relationships, but we’ll never advocate anyone acting rashly or impulsively. We only want you to gather the most definitive information you need to make the best, most informed decision for your life, even if the time to carry out that decision takes considerable time as well. So where all of Explicit-Nature is concerned, for now, all we ask is that you get familiar with the relationship accountability perspective, understand how it works, and understand what you see in your relationship given this perspective.
And finally, please bear with us. This is our first foray into, what, the realm of self-improvement? Relationship advice? Motivational coaching? We don’t know. They all sound kind of smarmy to be honest. We’re not relationship gurus, we’re not heroes of accountability (we just happened to learn a lot about it and it’s been a tremendous help to us), we’re not living optimally (and we’re not entirely sure we’d even want to), we don’t do yoga (though we should. My body has the elasticity of beef jerky, I tell you what.), we’re not Instagram ready, and while I do possess a rugged handsomeness akin to a thumb in a hairpiece, we are a bit worried about being misunderstood and misjudged as a result. We’re very confident about what we teach, we’re just not so confident about how what we teach will be perceived. Let’s face it, we’re gonna buck horns with a few folks. We imagine we’re gonna make many friends, but maybe a few less-than-friends, too, because we’re gonna step on a few toxic people’s toes. Maybe put a crimp in some abusive partner’s style, you know? So as we figure this whole thing out, social media-wise, please go easy on us.
And finally, this whole relationship accountability thing is actually quite exciting and fun as far as we’re concerned, but boy-oh-boy it does have some rather dry elements, clinical sounding terms, and so on. Hopefully it won’t be a complete yawn-fest ’22. Translation; the first several blog posts which establish our perspective might seem a bit arid, if you will, but all the subsequent ones where we get to actually apply this stuff is actually really fun. We actually think you’ll find all of the info highly interesting, but we also want to promise you much more enjoyment ahead! (There’s cake at the end of the presentation, folks! Don’t leave, there’s cake!)
We’re also trying to look and sound professional. Angie’s actually pretty good at it, but I’m not sure I can fake it so good, you know? So don’t hesitate to let us know how we come across. Please, please, reach out to us with any questions or comments you might have at getexplicit@explicit-nature.com! We can’t wait to roll up our sleeves and get to work!
And as always, thanks for checking us out!
Aw heck. Look at us sittin’ here gawkin.’ Don’t just stand there, you whippersnapper! Go on and get yourself a big ol’ helpin’ of Explicit Nature!
Best of love!,
Steven & Angie!